Why do I blog? A confession

Yeah why do I blog?

Or let's put it in the majority,why do everyone else blog? Really, why? Maybe for the monetizing scheme it offer. Or maybe to the public pulpit it caters. Or to influence other thoughts. But me,why do I blog?

I hear the word blogging not for so long. It has been ,now, three months. Yes and though I still put myself always into this virtual world I just can't get the thing in here. What does that mean? Well, I learn blogging as a way of making money, that was then. I just can't see the foundation of this vast building, or to put it mildly I can't thrive this world. I can't level those on the top. I don't get the page I wanted. I can't write the way I wanted. I can't seem to shout to the world what I really feels. And I don't see her knowing my efforts.

I have to see thing through. I've got to be transparent,as my friends always say. How's that actually? How in the world I will be transparent when everything else blocks my horizon. When every problem I encounter blur my insights. Still now I finding my true talent, if there is? I still guessing if writing was really my true ability. Writing is fun, but every time someone criticizes me, the public sees me accepting it and learning from it, well actually it builds the boulder in me that trying to break me down. Talking about talents. Do I have one? I try topping in the class, but I don't feel what would a normal person should feel. Yes I am happy to see my parents smile when I present them flattering grades. But in the true sense , do I deserve it? For me a big NO. Someone else working hard more deserve it, or do I just saying that because now I can't top the class. Right now it seems impossible to get the award my parents hopefully I will get. That's the just the true pressure in me right now, to make my parents proud of me. Most parents actually don't appreciate their children's full effort on making them proud and say "this is my child".

In the lover's dimension, I seem not to see any gold pot at the end of the rainbow, there is no rainbow in the first place.huhu. I don't actually know what's a lover should feel. And then everyone , those that think their the witful persons on earth, yell to me that I am very young to thronged this complicated "love". Oh yeah a sixteen-year old teen like me is young. My vibrant features jeopardize my tomorrow. But in the reality, someway around at the end of the road I will still face that dilemma. So is it wrong at this very young stage to learn a little in this world? No it isn't.

Hahayzz, sorry guys if this post is a nonsense confession of a brat like me. I just can't really take the things happening in the world now. This post had been changing direction, sorry for that. But I just wanna sung the colorful side of things.

Blogging had brought me wisdom. Wisdom to see things lightly. Blogging lift my spirit high and inflates my self-esteem. Blogging has just becoming a true opportunity. Blogging did a lot of of changes in me. Yes blogging had a lot to offer, but somehow, someway, blogging is just a resemblance of life. Just don't let the light put off, if you still want to see the world. Hehe

Walking under the rain

It is supposedly a literal walk under the rain but ,you know, everything don't come as you most expect it.

Walking in the rain is fun. Especially when the one walking with you is someone. But that doesn't mean it's forever, actually it's just for minutes.

Our feet is the asphalt road of the city

As the the puffy cottons in the sky is crying

But more than you know, my heart is in the happiest dimension in the world

It's just like when Aristotle yell" Eureka" , it was everything


The windows of my exhilarating soul are penetrating on your magnificent being

Every step I would like to be forever

But in the most realism in the world, It's just a mere imagination

But in all imagination I'd make, it's the best


And every time you turn your face when I ask purposely nonsense questions

Thought you should know my spirit is lift-up really high

Even ecstasy can never be an exchange

Cause in my very me, everything can never vie


And as the walk soon ended, the actual reason was never paid

But the butterflies around me fluffed in speed of mach number 2

And it almost got me in the middle air

But in most cases often it did, you never saw the existence it offers, too


And the reality covers again the dimensions of my world

And that day soon faded

As again the usual aroma between us is in the aisle

But the memoirs on that walk never was said


And yes, that momentary glimpse of heaven for me still is true

But for you, it was just mere favor I ask from you

Sweet moments are meant to be treasured

In the reality in you, it never was single woe


Hahayzz. That maybe can sum it up. It was really something for me. But soon it ended. And you seem not to mind it. I'm not really emotion-ventilator, but it just feels so good to free it from me. And the title goes, it was a walk under the rain, it's madly fun but you know it'll gonna make you sick.haha

Of Friends and Lovers

I'd rather be a friend, than a shadow lover.

In life, there are things thats works mysteriously. I am an ignorant, I should confess but I see also the world in lighter views.


Just recently I have been observing the people around me, my classmates and friends. Well I just a bit amaze on how you can see other people when you are really keen observing. And I can say you can tell what they feel for other people, or someway like that. We can not deny of the repulsive emotions stability of the youth, that is ,of course part of growing. I want to tackle this "crush" matter. I guess everyone had been to this state except if they been given a steel heart, which is unlikely because ,yeah, everyone have emotion. It is to be human to have crush, my teachers from the my grade school always remind me.

Being a friend is fascinating thing. I can't imagine what my world would be if I don't even a single friend. But a sad reality comes into my mind sometime this days that being a lover and being a friend somehow sets limits. Well I suppose everyone had been through this dilemma. The truth is, for me, being a close friend is someway around better that being a lover. Why? based upon experience, people often are "naiilang" when they know someone do have a different feeling toward him/her. That will unfortunately lead someone to avoid the person much that gradually builds a fence between friendship, which is the sad part of being a lover. I am confused why does someone exhibit this act, how in the world they avoid someone who is just admiring her or feeling distinctly toward him/her.

This may sound I'm very much authorized to talk about this matter, well in fact I just wander in this place for just sixteen years. But to be frank, I really wanna know things happening in my world and this blog of mine had been my refuge when everyone doesn't want to hear my view and opinions. So this time I wanna know your point also. Please just try to help me understand such things , thank you.